I should be sponsored by Trojan
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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