i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Randomize
