We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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