So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
