So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
