smell my finger.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
