I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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