We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
