it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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