Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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