I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
