I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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