Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
