I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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