i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will be naked everywhere
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
