Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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