so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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