she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
