At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
