She said her name was "party"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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