Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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