someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
