Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
