Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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