i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
