Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
