Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
