My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
