whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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