Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
