Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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