She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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