sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
