there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We got so high we made milksteak
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
