I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
