with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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