Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
