I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
