i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
