One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
