Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
