So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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