Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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