whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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