This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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