Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
