I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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