Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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