I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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