I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
