So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
