i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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