Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
