Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
