His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
